AN ALMOST DEADLY FIGHT | ANOTHER STEAMY ENCOUNTER | A PAST LOVER FRIEND RETURNS- JOURNAL ENTRY 13 {August 13, 2020}

Hello-wow-it’s been a whirlwind of events. I manage to avoid my Boss for the rest of the week. But before I get into that, here’s an update on my marriage.

Almost Deadly Fight

I know many of you are wondering if I’d told my husband about the Spa encounter. Well, no, I haven’t told him, and have no intentions of doing so. Why, because upon me asking him about the troll stalking me, his side chic (ewe). He let slip out some details that I hadn’t known. That anger, resentment, and pain, I once had, surprising never surfaced. I was more so, feeling left out.

Thinking- (I think it is unfair for him to have a steamy sexual encounter with someone else, and I’m desperately trying not to rip my Boss’s clothes off, every time I see him.)

Suddenly, the ghetto girl came out, and I’d asked, “How about we have an open marriage?”

Thinking (Preparing to divorce you within a year).

He said, and I quote, “HELL, NO!”

He had such fury in his eyes. I was taken back. Our argument had got so bad, whereas he abruptly pushed me against my nightstand (he’s never done this before).

After I’d yelled, “that he was a lying sack of shit, and I can never trust him again!”

That’s when he walked over to my side of the bed. Because up until this point, he and I were yelling across the bed. He angrily walked to my side of my bed, and said while yelling and pushing me,

“Look, I told you a million damn times, I’m not lying, and I’m not seeing that—B*– her anymore!”

The gentlemen in him still couldn’t allow himself to call the girl a bitch. He then angrily and quickly walked and begun to pace. His words became a blur.

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Meanwhile, I started to see blood, I was in a rage, and prepared to knee him in his jewels. My self-defense, inner demons, anger, bloodline from my absent father. A known killer and late mother who has words that can cut like a sword. While visualizing all the times, I saw my father beat me, and my mother, as a child. Seeing glimpses of my own abusive relationships, and all the shit my husband put me through over the years, started to surface. I saw myself kneeling him is jewels to compel him, and then repeatedly stabbing him while slamming his head against the wall. I wanted to kill him.

Don’t remember what I did at this point. I kept zoning out.

He stopped pacing, and he looked at me like he saw a ghost or something sinner.

~Zoning in and out~

I remember him grabbing my arm and repeatedly saying, “Sorry,” not sure what happened after that. I vaguely remember him looking scared and torn. I’d felt it in his very shaky hands upon him, grabbing me. I also remember feeling him holding me tightly, as his entire body shook, and saying with a shaky teary voice,  

“I’m telling you the truth, and it hurts me when you keep accusing me of lying and cheating all the time. The thought of losing you, or seeing you look at me that way again, scares me. I don’t want to lose you.”

His words became a blur after that.

~I was breaking~

He was restraining me, and every time I tried to push him off me. He kept repeating while still holding me,

“No, stop, Listen to me!”

~Sudden Calmness~

I had no tears in my eyes, I blacked out. I don’t remember how long my husband held me. But after I calmed down, and sat down, that’s when I saw it. That’s when I saw lying on the floor at my feet, a knife. I had no idea where the knife came from. While bloody, he told me that it took 5 mins to pry the knife out of my hand and cutting himself in the process.

Meanwhile, seeing all that blood, I’d finally snapped out of it. I quickly ran to our bathroom and grabbed some towels, bandaids, and alcohol to stop the bleeding. Thankfully, the cut wasn’t that deep, so no medical attention was needed. After I got my husband situated, I broke down in tears and cried frantically while thinking and rocking back and forth-

(Where did I just go? I hate getting that mad. I was about to commit murder. I was going to murder the man whom I’ve been with and married to for many years, off and on. Who’s been a ride and die since my daughter was 2 years old. What was I thinking?)

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He held me with his bandage hand until I stopped crying. I then softly told him that I needed to be alone. So, he kissed me on my forehead, grabbed his cellphone from his nightstand, and went downstairs to his cave. I saw tears in his eyes as he walked away. After he left, I fell back to the bed and finally exhaled. I laid like that for a moment. Thinking and feeling that I am suddenly emotionally exhausted and want out. I can’t deal with this anymore. I need something fresh, exciting, and motivating. Meanwhile, an old friend with benefits surfaced.

Old Friend with Benefits

Wow, this is amazing because I’d just done a tarot reading, and it said someone from my past would surface. Those cards have been so accurate thus far. You see, this old friend and I go way back. He and I used to sit on the living room floor playing “Mortal Kombat, Deadly Alliance” while laughing, and fooled around as well (wow memories, xxx was always amazing *blushing*). Later go to Karaoke, sing, dance, and come back to my place and fool around again. And I wake up and make him my favorite breakfast burrito. Then we repeat that process over again the next day, every Friday and Saturday *smiling*

He and I got in touch again over Facebook via messenger. We texted about random topics after our brief intros of what we’ve been up too. Sometime later, in the week, our conversations got serious, and we began to discuss moments lost and things unsaid, upon him going into the army. It was revealed that he and I had genuinely cared for one another, maybe in love (duh). But with life occurrences, kept drifting us apart. I got married, divorced, and married again, and so on. He had kids, went off to college, got engaged, broke up, and so on. We discussed possibly getting together soon. However, at work, things were getting very heated.

Monday, August 10, to Tuesday, August 11, 2020

I manage to avoid my Boss for the remainder of the week. He bought me morning coffee daily, and sometimes lunch, and occasionally wink and smile as we pass one another.

Meanwhile, Jack and I have gotten very close, he is a riot to be with. We laugh and chat about his fiancé, son, and I talk about my daughter and husband. Things were going great until Jack told me that he had to take his son to the doctor tomorrow. That would mean my calendar would be free, and my Boss knows my schedule. I found myself desperately trying to come up with something to fill in that time slot. Then it came to me, I can chat with my old friend. I then scheduled a critical phone call on my calendar.

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Wednesday, August 12, 2020

I grabbed my caesar salad, side pickle, chips, my iPad, and quickly walked into the breakroom, desperately trying to miss my Boss. I finally reached my favorite table in the back corner and began to chat with my old friend. We were minutes into the conversation when I see my boss walk pass the lunchroom. Not thinking it’s a big deal at first. But while immersed in my discussion, I’d noticed my boss walk by a second time, and then a third, I even mentioned it to my friend.

He said, “maybe he was exercising.”

I responded, “No, he works out before he comes to work. Trust me, I know.”

I finished my food and returned to work, and later my Boss pings me about a meeting for the next day, that’s closed with no trainees.

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Our lunch was stimulating, the same place, just like old times, beautiful (that smile).

The meeting was long, exhausting, and I had to do most of the talking. Because I was the most knowledgeable person to discuss the new program that was implemented weeks ago. The entire time I was chatting, my boss stared at me with intensely, with hungry eyes, it was as if he was undressing me with his eyes.

Upon us getting into the car, while driving in silence and he firmly grabbing the stirring wheel. We were halfway back to the office when suddenly my Boss pulls over to the side of the road and grab my face and started to kiss me deeply and passionately. I first resisted, and then I began to moan and rubbing my fingers through his hair.

My boss- I’ve been wanting to do this all day. Seeing you up there talking, made me so hard.

Me- Really?  *smiling*

His hands moved to my breast than his mouth moved down to my neck, and he started licking my neck, and then slowly lower to my chest while undressing me. I found myself letting him and wanting more. Until he accidentally hit the horn, I quickly pulled back and begun to fix my clothes, while heavily panting. He slowly sits back while also panting, then smiles, and says while looking down at his erection showing through his pants.

I laugh and said, “Sorry, you started it”

He laughs, and then we drove back to the office. I didn’t see him for the next 3 hours. Until he later calls me, not ask me to come into his office, he calls me on the phone. That’s when I learned that we have a meeting out of town on Monday and Tuesday.

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After work and returning home and getting settled, I got undressed, and put my workout clothes on, and hit the elliptical. I needed to blow off excess tension. Thinking I have to tell my husband I’m going out of town (sort of) with my Boss, and also be alone in a hotel with my Boss. I was zoning in my thoughts for an hour. I then decided that I needed to call-in the next day. I need at least three days to prepare.  SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!

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